grudgeholding

Grudgeholding is the sustained emotional state of resentment, anger, or spite toward someone after a perceived wrong. It involves an unwillingness to forgive, ongoing rumination about the offense, and often a desire for vindication or revenge. It is distinguished from transient anger by its persistence and the degree to which the grievance continues to shape thoughts and behavior.

Causes include perceived personal insult or harm, threats to self-esteem, or violated expectations of justice. Cognitive factors such as attribution of malicious intent, selective memory for the offense, and rumination contribute to prolonging a grudge. Personality traits such as high trait anger, hostility, or neuroticism, as well as cultural norms that emphasize honor or retaliation, can increase likelihood of grudgeholding.

Psychological consequences include sustained negative affect, heightened arousal, and impaired emotion regulation. People who hold grudges may experience social withdrawal, relationship conflict, and reduced life satisfaction. Chronic grudgeholding has been linked in research to increased stress, anxiety, and depressive symptoms, though causality is complex and bidirectional.

Management and coping: Forgiveness and reconciliation are common approaches, though forgiveness is not required or appropriate in all cases. Other strategies include setting clear boundaries, practicing cognitive reappraisal to reinterpret the offense, and engaging in mindfulness or stress-reduction techniques to reduce rumination. In some situations, professional help from therapy can support behavior change and healthier coping.

Cultural perspectives: Norms about grudges and forgiveness vary across societies and subcultures. Some contexts encourage maintaining boundaries and non-contact with offenders, while others emphasize reconciliation. Ethical discussions often distinguish between forgiving for one's own peace and excusing harmful behavior.