grudge

A grudge is a persistent feeling of resentment or ill will toward someone who has allegedly wronged the grudge holder. It involves an unwillingness to forgive or forget and often leads to ongoing thoughts about the past injury. People hold a grudge when they maintain negative beliefs or hostility toward the offender long after the incident.

The word grudge dates from Middle English, with likely roots in Old English and other Germanic languages. It originally conveyed a sense of grudging, reluctance, or resistance, and over time came to denote resentment carried over time.

Grudges typically arise from perceived injustices, a sense of pride wounded, or fear of being hurt again. They are reinforced by rumination, memory bias, and social reinforcement (for example, interactions with others who share the grievance). They can persist even when the offender has expressed remorse or when the harm has diminished.

Holding a grudge can entrench conflict, hinder reconciliation, and strain personal relationships. It may be associated with ongoing stress, negative mood, and reduced well-being for the grudge-holder. In some contexts, grudges between groups or within communities can contribute to long-term hostility or cycles of retaliation.

Many traditions emphasize forgiveness or closure as means to resolve grudges, though forgiveness does not require condoning the offense or reconciliation. Strategies include perspective-taking, setting personal boundaries, seeking formal or informal apologies, and working toward resolution. Not all grudges are harmful; some may reflect a protective boundary or moral stance, but excessive or lifelong grudges often impede healing.