submarining

Submarining is a term primarily used in dating and relationship discussions to describe the behavior of a person who abruptly ceases all communication with a partner for an extended period and later reappears without explanation, as if nothing happened. The metaphor borrows from the idea of a submarine that vanishes underwater and then resurfaces elsewhere. In this sense, submarining is often considered a form of ghosting with a return.

In practice, submarining typically occurs in online dating, texting, or social media conversations. A person may disappear for days, weeks, or months, then re-engage with casual or vague messages, sometimes continuing the relationship as though the intervening silence never occurred. Reappearances may be accompanied by excuses, minimized accountability, or shifting dynamics, and they can leave the other party feeling confused, hurt, or sidelined.

Etymology-wise, the term is a figurative use of the submarine concept and is most common in contemporary media and online discussions. It is not a formal term in nautical or engineering contexts, where submarine operations are described by other terminology. Submarining is sometimes described as ghosting with a return, and it is contrasted with straightforward, ongoing communication or clear endings.

Impact and response vary; some people choose to address the behavior directly, set boundaries, or discontinue contact, while others may decide to resume the relationship. Awareness of the pattern can help individuals recognize red flags and make informed decisions about future interactions.