DTRS

DTR stands for define the relationship. It refers to a conversation between two people about the nature and status of their romantic or sexual involvement. The term arose in dating culture, often in online or app-mediated contexts, to move beyond ambiguity. A DTR is a voluntary, informal discussion rather than a formal agreement and does not create legal obligations.

Purpose and scope: The main aim is to clarify expectations regarding exclusivity, commitment, future plans, and boundaries. DTRs address questions such as whether the relationship is casual, whether both people want to be exclusive, and what each person hopes for going forward. They are typically pursued after feelings develop or when dynamics change, such as after repeated dates or the start of a new phase in the relationship.

Outcomes and considerations: Possible results include agreeing to be exclusive, labeling the relationship, continuing to date casually, renegotiating boundaries, or ending dating altogether. Risks include pressure to label too soon, misinterpretation of intentions, discomfort, or unequal power dynamics. Cultural, personal, and situational differences influence whether a DTR is appropriate or necessary, and some individuals prefer ongoing, informal check-ins rather than a formal conversation.

Approaches and language: Effective DTRs use neutral, direct language and occur in a private setting. Examples include: “Can we talk about what we’re looking for right now?” or “Do you see this as exclusive?” Best practices involve listening actively, being honest about one’s own preferences, avoiding coercion, and planning a follow-up if needed.

See also: relationship status, exclusivity, commitment, dating culture, open relationships.