sottomessa

Sottomessa is the feminine form of the Italian adjective sottomesso, meaning submissive or subjugated. In standard Italian, it describes someone who yields to the will of others or who is compliant. In contemporary discourse, the term is frequently used within BDSM and erotic contexts to describe a person who prefers or consents to relinquishing control to a dominant partner, either as a role within a relationship or during sexual activity. The masculine counterpart is sottomesso, and the noun sottomissione refers to the act or state of submission.

In BDSM usage, sottomessa denotes a role choice grounded in consent, negotiation, and clearly defined boundaries. It is not inherently tied to helplessness or lack of agency; many submissive individuals are decisive and empowered in other aspects of life. Roles are typically negotiated in advance and may be revisited over time. Practices often emphasize communication, safewords, and aftercare to ensure safety and mutual comfort.

Outside explicit sexual contexts, the term can describe a tendency to yield or be overly compliant in various relationships or settings. However, describing someone as sottomessa does not imply a pathological condition; it can reflect personal preference, temperament, or a negotiated relational dynamic. Cultural discussions note that gender norms and stereotypes influence perceptions of submission, underscoring the importance of consent and autonomy in all interpretations.

See also: BDSM, dominance and submission, sottomissione, sottomissione dynamics.